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- UNDERSTANDING EMPATHY IN RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE.
Navigating a relationship is one of the hardest things to do in life, and this is because you are dealing with another human being who most likely is different from you.
To understand and share the feelings of another in a Relationship And Marriage is not easy but is very simple.
Last night as I was looking for motivation to keep pushing myself to not give up on my fitness journey, I stubble on a video, and let me tell you about it.
This program is called Fit to Fat to Fit. This means that a gym instructor who has been fit all his life mostly would subject himself to a bad eating habit in other to gain weight.
One of the instructors said he decided to do this to understand how his client feels during the journey of weight loss. So he had to gain a lot of weight and then go on a four-month fitness journey with his client to lose all this weight together.
It's always easy to try to tell people what to do, but sometimes you need to understand what these people are going through that is stopping them from making progress. That way, you can help them better.
I watched the whole process, and I was motivated, but I am not here to tell you about my motivation. After watching this, what I am about to share with you dropped in my spirit.
To understand and share the feelings of another in a Relationship And Marriage; Sometimess in a relationship, the reason why some couples can never work out is that they don't understand what their partner has been through or going through.
They are bad listeners, too judgemental, always looking at the wrong/weak moments of their partner, and the weight of expectation is killing the relationship. This can change.
I am not asking you to go through what your partner went through literally to understand. I am not asking you to put yourself in a toxic relationship to relate. I am not asking you to go against your core values to understand your partner.
What I am asking you to do is to try and develop the ability to understand and share the feelings of your partner, which is called empathy.
I usually tell people that care to listen. When you are in a relationship or married to someone, one of the decision-making strategies you need to adopt is to always flip the table before taking any decision.
For instance, if you want to cheat or are pressured to cheat on your partner, flip the table. Put yourself in your partner's position. Ask yourself, how would I feel if I get to hear that my partner is cheating on me? Happy? Sad? Disappointed? Betrayed? There you have your answer.
If you are married and you want to make certain decisions. Ask yourself, how would this decision affect my partner positively and negatively. If positively, then good. If negatively, then bad.
Suppose your partner is always doing something or struggling with something. Instead of shouting at them and bringing it to social media, first ask yourself, what is my partner really dealing with? How can I understand this situation better? How can I put myself in their shoes and know how best to help them.
I know it won't be easy, but if you desire to have a great relationship, you must have empathy.
This is why you are one in that marriage. You are supposed to be working together.
When your partner tells you how they feel about certain things, please don't ignore them. Don't try to sound like you are perfect. Don't shut them down. You have to bring yourself to where they are to relate.
Many couples don't know how to relate to each other's feelings because they lack empathy. So I will list a few ways you can develop empathy towards each other. It is something you know but ignores.
5 ways to understand and share the feelings of another in a Relationship And Marriage.
1. When your partner is talking, listen. Don't cut them off.
Allow them to express themselves. Don't try to show you are right. You might be, and there will be time for that, but at first, listen to understand.
That's the only way you get to really understand why they are doing what they are doing, and based on that, you will know your best action to take.
2. Watch out for body language.
I know humans don't read minds, but you can develop the ability to be observant. If you have been with someone for some years, you should know when they are off.
When they are not the cute, smiling, happy person, you have known. When something is eating them up inside, they leave clues here and there.
3. Share your feelings.
The Bible said to rejoice with those that rejoice and mourn with those that mourn. You might not have been in their situation but then try and mentally put yourself in their situation. That's the point.
4. Make yourself vulnerable.
It's crazy to act all perfect when your partner is going through a phase. I know you are trying to be the strong one, but sometimes you don't have to. Show your partner that you can relate, that you are weak too, and both of you can find strength together to rise.
I have seen a couple that disconnected so fast because after losing a baby, the husband tried to be the strong one, and it looked like he moved on fast, and that hurt the wife more than the loss of the baby.
She thought he didn't care because they never got to talk about it. It was during a therapy session that the man explained he was trying to be strong for her and the family that he was hurt too. She wanted him to be strong but then also show some vulnerability. So vulnerability makes couples connect.
5. Take action and offer or seek help.
It's okay to feel their pain and what's hurting them and connect with them, but you can't stay there forever, so you need to find the right time when the pain has reduced a bit to seek freedom and help.
Someone said, for empathy to be most effective and maximize well-being, it is important to feel both the pain of another and also know that you are in a position to do something about it.
Conclusion
When you have connected with them and understand how they feel deep down, you will know how best to help them.
Like the gym instructor, he was able to help his client lose weight because he was able to understand the mental strength required to push beyond the limitations that presents themselves during the whole weight loss process.
I encourage you today. Develop this ability of empathy, and it will help you greatly in your relationship and marriage, and most importantly in conflict resolution, which is the chief breaker of relationships and marriages.
Cheers.
