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SELFISHNESS: THE GREATEST ENEMY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
One of the reasons many relationships don't work out today is because of this single act of selfishness.
What is being selfish or selfishness?
This basically means lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
Many people get into relationships and marriages with this mindset. The problem I have noticed over the years as a counselor is that some people don't even understand this and are unaware of how selfish they have become.
In our world today, people get into relationships for different selfish reasons. This is why someone will tell you my money is my money and his money is our money.
You will hear things like, if you don't have sex with me, I will leave.
They care most about what they will gain in that relationship and have no plan of giving anything in return.
Let me make this part clear. If your primary motivation for wanting a relationship or marriage is because of what you stand to gain, then you are not getting it.
I said it.
I have seen only a few people who desire to get married because they want to pour their best into someone else and see them grow together.
They want to give, protect, nurture, honor, etc., Very few. And some of these people end up getting hurt because they end up with people that just want to receive and have nothing to give.
Selfishness has eaten so deep into our generation that some people don't consider the feeling of their partner before making decisions that will affect their partner in negative ways as long as it affects them positively.
Selfishness goes against anything Love stands for.
Love primarily is about giving and not receiving.
Let me show you.
Now check out each of the things love is and show me the one that positions itself at the receiving end.
I hope you are ready. Read carefully.
Love is large and incredibly patient. (Giving)
Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. (Giving)
Love refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else.
(Giving)
Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance.
(Giving)
Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, NOR SELFISHLY SEEK ITS OWN HONOR.
(Giving)
Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense.
(Giving)
Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong.
(Giving)
Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others.
(Giving)
Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.
(Giving).
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 TPT
Did you see anywhere it suggests that love takes from others?
At no point did we see love as demanding things from people but instead giving our best to others and, in this context, your spouse.
We are in a generation where it's all about you didn't do this or that for me but never think about what we didn't give to them.
Now see the effect of selfishness.
So wherever jealousy and selfishness are uncovered, you will also find many TROUBLES and every kind of MEANNESS. James 3:16 TPT
Maybe the reason why you keep having troubles in your relationship or marriage is simply that you are doing the opposite of what love does.
With selfishness comes trouble and meanness. No be me talk am oh.
Now let me balance this.
I usually say it "the best relationship or marriage is between two unapologetic givers."
When you see two people ready to give their best to each other, you notice one thing, Receiving things is no longer a problem.
If I am open to giving my partner my best and my partner does the same, I will get everything I want. But the problem today is that many don't want to give but want to receive.
Think about this.
How much have you given to your partner? Giving here includes money, time, support, respect, honor, patience, peace, gift, advice, appreciation, etc.
Or you have been selfish all along, demanding for what you don't or can't give.
Or you just want what will make you happy. (You seek only for your own happiness). Or you have been making decisions that favour only you.
I leave you with these words.
Become more selfless (concerned more with the needs and wishes of others (your partner) than with yours).
Give more.
Do more.
Then, find someone willing to give their best too, and you will experience the best relationship and marriage ever.