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PRINCIPLES OF DATING READINESS.
1. you are not ready to date until you are fully aware of both the benefits and the dangers of dating.
Once
you understand not only the perks but also the pitfalls
of dating, you are mature enough to begin opening
yourself up to more serious relationships.
The primary benefit of dating is the opportunity to get
to know someone new, to build a new friendship with a
member of the opposite gender. This is important for developing self-confidence and social interaction skills
as well as for learning respect for each other as persons
of worth, value, and dignity. At the top of the list of
potential dating pitfalls is the danger of becoming
physically and emotionally involved too quickly at too
deep a level, leading to inappropriate behavior.
Human beings are social creatures, and we relate to
each other on three levels: spirit, mind, and body. To put
it another way, we interact with each other in the spiritual, mind, and physical dimensions. This progression
is very important.
Healthy relationships should always
begin at the spiritual and intellectual levels, the levels
of purpose, motivation, interests, dreams, and personality.
The physical dimension is the least important of the
three, yet that is where we usually start which can put us in Danger of feeling sorry for ourselves. Our Western
culture has completely reversed the process. Everywhere we turn in society, the media, the entertainment industry, the educational system and even, many
times, the church, the focus in relationships is on
physical attraction first.
Healthy relationships should always begin at the spiritual and intellectual levels, the levels of purpose, motivation, interests, dreams, and personality.
Young people today face great temptations and are
under tremendous pressure from every quarter to jump
immediately to the physical in a relationship. Physical
attraction leads quickly to deep emotional involvement
and the couple hasn’t even had a chance to find out
whether or not they share similar interests, dreams, or
views on life. By the time those things come out and
they begin to discover that they are not on similar levels spiritually or intellectually, it is too late because they
are already emotionally entangled, making it extremely difficult to break off the relationship. Too often they
simply plunge ahead with their emotional connection,
resulting in frustrated and unfulfilled life dreams.
Before you start to date someone you are interested in,
ask yourself, “Am I aware of the benefits as well as the
dangers of dating this person?”
2. Good understanding of God’s standards for relationships.
You need to learn or work out a clear set of guidelines for
behavior based on God’s Word, or you are not ready to
date. This requires a certain degree of spiritual maturity. Waiting until you are in a dating situation to decide
what is right or wrong or what you will or will not do is
too late. Unless you settle those matters in your heart
and mind beforehand, you will have little protection
against temptation and could easily go too far.
Our modern society has come up with some weird criteria for dating. Some say that a person is ready to date
upon entering puberty, or upon becoming a teenager. (as as student, see The principle of being an idea Christian Student. The only criterion for a believer and follower of Christ
is to find and follow God’s standards. If you do not
know what those standards are or what God’s characteristics are for a balanced spiritual person, then you are
not ready to date. Dating is no place for trial and error.
You should not even begin to develop a serious relationship with anyone until you understand what God
expects and requires. If you are not sure, find out first.
There are only two choices: either you will follow God’s standards by deliberate choice, or you will follow the world’s standards by default.
3. The third principle for preparing to date follows closely on the heels of the second.
Once you have determined
from Scripture what God’s standards are, resolve in your
spirit that you will not lower or compromise those standards
for any reason, even if it means losing dates. Many people
are willing to compromise moral or godly standards in
order to get a date or to hold onto a boyfriend or girlfriend. That is immature behavior and will cause a lot
of problems. Standing firm on what you believe in is a
sign of both spiritual and emotional maturity. There are
no second class areas of life to God. He is after your
best. He wants you to obey Him, follow His Word, and
stand firmly on His standards. Anything less and you
cannot expect to receive His best.
Close attention to these three principles will help ensure
that dating is a healthy and fulfilling experience both for you and
for the persons you date.
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