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How will my child change between the ages of 10 and 14?
Throughout our lives we grow and change, but during early adolescence
the rate of change is especially evident. We consider 10-year-olds to be
children; we think of 14-year-olds as “almost adults." We welcome the
changes, but we also find them a little disturbing. When children are
younger, it is easier to predict when a change might take place and how
rapidly. But by early adolescence, the relationship between a child’s real
age and her developmental milestones grows weaker. Just how young
teens develop can be influenced by many things: for example, genes,
families, friends, neighborhoods and values and other forces in society.
Physical Changes.
As they enter puberty, young teens undergo a great many physical
changes, not only in size and shape, but in such things as the growth of
pubic and underarm hair and increased body odor. For girls, changes
include the development of breasts and the start of menstruation; for
boys, the development of testes.
Adolescents do not all begin puberty at the same age. For girls, it may
take place anywhere from the age of 8 to 13; in boys, on average, it
happens about two years later. This is the time period when students’
physical characteristics vary the most within their classes and among their
friends, some may grow so much that, by the end of the school year,
they may be too large for the desks they were assigned in September.
Others may change more slowly.
Early adolescence often brings with it new concerns about body image
and appearance. Both girls and boys who never before gave much thought to their looks may suddenly spend hours primping, worrying and
complaining, about being too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny or too
pimply. Body parts may grow at different times and rates. Hands and feet,
for example, may grow faster than arms and legs. Because movement of
their bodies requires coordination of body parts, and because these parts
are of changing proportions, young adolescents may be clumsy and
awkward in their physical activities.
The rate at which physical growth and development
takes place also can influence other parts of a
young teen’s life. An 11-year-old girl who has
already reached puberty will have different
interests than will a girl who does not do so until
she’s 14. Young teens who bloom very early or
very late may have special concerns. Late
bloomers (especially boys) may feel they can’t
compete in sports with more physically developed
classmates. Early bloomers (especially girls) may be
pressured into adult situations before they are
emotionally or mentally able to handle them. The combined effect of the
age on the beginning for physical changes in puberty and the ways in
which friends, classmates, family and the world around them respond to
those changes can have long-lasting effects on an adolescent. Some young
teens, however, like the idea that they are developing differently from their
friends. For example, they may enjoy some advantages, especially in sports,
over classmates who mature later.
Whatever the rate of growth, many young teens have an unrealistic view
of themselves and need to be reassured that differences in growth rates
are normal.
Emotional Changes
Most experts believe that the idea of young teens being controlled by their
“raging hormones” is exaggerated. Nonetheless, this age can be one of mood
swings, sulking, a craving for privacy and short tempers. Young children are
not able to think far ahead, but young teens can and do, which allows them
to worry about the future. Some may worry excessively about:
- Their school performance;
- Their appearance, physical development and popularity;
- The possible death of a parent;
- Being bullied at school;
- School violence;
- Not having friends;
- Drugs and drinking;
- Hunger and poverty in the country;
- Their inability to get a good job;
- Nuclear bombs and terrorists attacks on the country;
- The divorce of their parents; and
- Dying.
Many young teens are very self-conscious. And, because they are experiencing dramatic physical and emotional changes, they are often overly
sensitive about themselves. They may worry about personal qualities or
“defects” that are major to them, but are hardly noticeable to others. (Belief:
“I can’t go to the party tonight because everyone will laugh at this baseball-
sized zit on my forehead." Facts: The pimple is tiny and hidden by hair.) A
young teen also can be caught up in himself. He may believe that he is the only person who feels the way he feels or has the same experiences, that he
is so special that no one else, particularly his family, can understand him.
This belief can contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation. In addition, a
young teen’s focus on herself has implications for how she mixes with family
and friends. (“I can’t be seen going to a movie with my mother!”)
Teens’ emotions often seem exaggerated. Their actions
seem inconsistent. It is normal for young teens to swing
regularly from being happy to being sad and from feeling
smart to feeling dumb. In fact, some think of adolescence
as a second toddlerhood. As Carol Bleifield, a middle
school counselor in Wisconsin, explains, “One minute,
they want to be treated and taken care of like a small
child. Five minutes later they are pushing adults away,
saying, ‘Let me do it. It may help if you can help them
understand that they are in the midst of some major
changes, changes that don’t always move steadily ahead.
In addition to changes in the emotions that they feel,
most young teens explore different ways to express their emotions. For
example, a child who greeted friends and visitors with enthusiastic hugs
may turn into a teen who gives these same people only a small wave or
nod of the head. Similarly, hugs and kisses for a parent may be replaced
with a pulling away and an, “Oh, Mom!” It’s important to remember,
though, that these are usually changes in ways of expressing feelings and
not the actual feelings about friends, parents and family.
Be on the lookout for excessive emotional swings or long-lasting sadness
in your child. These can suggest severe emotional problems.
Cognitive Changes
The cognitive or mental, changes that take place in early adolescence may
be less easy to see, but they can be just as dramatic as physical and
emotional changes. During adolescence, most teens make large leaps in
the way they think, reason and learn. Younger children need to see and
touch things to be convinced that they are real. But in early adolescence,
children become able to think about ideas and about things that they
can’t see or touch. They become better able to think though problems and
see the consequences of different points of view or actions. For the first
time, they can think about what might be, instead of what is. A 6-year-
old thinks a smiling person is happy and
a crying person is sad. A 14-year-old
may tell you that a sad person smiles to
hide his true feelings.
The cognitive changes allow young teens
to learn more advanced and complicated
material in school. They become eager to
gain and apply knowledge and to
consider a range of ideas or options.
These mental changes also carry over
into their emotional lives. Within the
family, for example, the ability to reason may change the way a young
teen talks to and acts around her parents. She begins to anticipate how
her parents will react to something she says or does and prepares an
answer or an explanation.
In addition, these mental changes lead adolescents to consider who they
are and who they may be. This is a process called identity formation and it is a major activity during adolescence. Most adolescents will explore a
range of possible identities. They go through “phases” that to a parent can
seem to be ever-changing. Indeed, adolescents who don’t go through this
period of exploration are at greater risk of developing psychological
problems, especially depression, when they are adults.
Just as adults, who with more experience and cognitive maturity can struggle
with their different roles, adolescents struggle in developing a sense of
who they are. They begin to realize that they play different roles with
different people: son or daughter, friend, teammate, student, worker and
so forth.
Young teens may be able to think more like adults, but they still do not
have the experience that is needed to act like adults. As a result, their
behavior may be out of step with their ideas. For example, your child may
participate eagerly in a walk to raise money to save the environment but
litter the route she walks with soda cans. Or she may spend an evening on
the phone or exchanging e-mails with a friend talking about how they
dislike a classmate because she gossips.
It takes time for young teens and their parents to adjust to all these
changes. But the changes are also exciting. They allow a young teen to
see what she can be like in the future and to develop plans for becoming
that person.