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Feeling sorry for yourself is self-destructive.
It leads to new problems and can
have serious consequences. Instead of feeling grateful that Jack survived the
accident, his parents worried about what the accident took away from them. As a
result, they allowed the accident to take away even more.
That’s not to say they weren’t loving parents. Their behavior stemmed from a
desire to keep their son safe. However, the more they pitied Jack, the more
negatively it affected his mood.
Indulging in self-pity hinders living a full life in the following ways:
1. It’s a waste of time.
Feeling sorry for yourself requires a lot of mental energy
and does nothing to change the situation. Even when you can’t fix the
problem, you can make choices to cope with life’s obstacles in a positive
way. Feeling sorry for yourself won’t move any closer to a solution.
2. It leads to more negative emotions.
Once you allow it to take hold, self-pity
will ignite a flurry of other negative emotions. It can lead to anger,
resentment, loneliness, and other feelings that fuel more negative thoughts.
3. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Feelings of self-pity can lead to
living a pitiful life. When you feel sorry for yourself, it’s unlikely you’ll
perform at your best. As a result, you may experience more problems and
increased failures, which will breed more feelings of self-pity.
• It prevents you from dealing with other emotions. Self-pity gets in the way of
dealing with grief, sadness, anger, and other emotions. It can stall your
progress from healing and moving forward because self-pity keeps the focus
on why things should be different rather than accepting the situation for what
it is.
4. It causes you to overlook the good in your life.
If five good things and one
bad thing happen in a day, self-pity will cause you to focus only on the
negative. When you feel sorry for yourself, you’ll miss out on the positive
aspects of life.
5. It interferes with relationships.
A victim mentality is not an attractive
characteristic. Complaining about how bad your life is will likely wear on
people rather quickly. No one ever says, “What I really like about her is the
fact that she always feels sorry for herself."
STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
To
alleviate feelings of self-pity, you need to change your pitiful behavior and
forbid yourself from indulging in pitiful thoughts.
Our choice to spend the day doing something enjoyable isn’t about ignoring
our grief or masking our sadness. It’s about making a conscious choice to
celebrate life’s gifts and refusing to behave in a pitiful manner. Instead of pitying
ourselves for what we lost, we choose to feel grateful for what we had.
When you notice self-pity creeping into your life, make a conscious effort to
do something contrary to how you feel. You don’t have to jump out of a plane to
ward off feelings of self-pity. Sometimes, small behavioral changes can make a
big difference.
Here are some examples:
1. Volunteer to help a worthy cause.
It will take your mind off your problems and you can feel good that you’ve helped support someone else. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you’re serving hungry people in a soup kitchen or spending time with elderly residents in a nursing home.2. Perform a random act of kindness.
Whether you mow the neighbor’s lawn or donate pet food to a local animal shelter, doing a good deed can help bring more meaning to your day.3. Do something active.
Physical or mental activity will help you focus on something other than your misfortune. Exercise, sign up for a class, read a book, or learn a new hobby, and your behavior change can help shift your attitude. The key to changing your feelings is finding which behaviors will extinguish your feelings of self-pity.
Sometimes it’s a process of trial and error because the same behavioral change won’t work for everyone. If what you’re doing now isn’t working, try something new. If you never take a step in the right direction, you’ll stay right where you are.